What It's Like to Go Back
Yesterday I had a long, lovely conversation with an old friend who also grew up in a fundamentalist denomination (not the church of Christ) but is now a Catholic priest. He asked me if I ever go back to the CoC and what that's like, after being away for so long, and he asked me to blog about my experiences. So here goes.
I do go back to the CoC on rare occasions when I visit elderly relatives who are still involved in it (and who don't know that I've left). As for what it's like, I guess it depends on the day. Sometimes it makes me sad, because my relatives are so unsure of their own salvation, because they believe in an unloving, unforgiving god who is just waiting to strike them down. I really wish they could know the joy and comfort of God's grace. Sometimes it makes me angry, especially when the preacher goes on and on about how all those other churches are wrong about, well, everything, and the CoC is the only church that preaches The Truth.TM
Sometimes, though, it just makes me laugh. In fact, the most recent time I went, I had a hard time keeping a straight face. During the adult Bible class, the subject of homosexuality somehow came up; I honestly couldn't tell you how, because I was just staring at the wall behind the teacher's head and daydreaming up to that point. Anyway, the preacher asserted that homosexuality is all part of a government conspiracy, and it's caused by the feminizing hormones that get injected into beef cattle and end up on people's plates, which I guess is his explanation for male homosexuality, but it doesn't really explain lesbianism. Anyway, while all these old folks were nodding their heads in agreement, I was biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. The ignorance and absurdity can be breathtaking sometimes.
These rare visits to the CoC don't bother me nearly as much as they used to when I first left. I've let go of a lot (though probably not all) of the anger and resentment I had at first. Even when a sermon does rile me up, I take comfort in the fact that I'm no longer trapped there, as I was when I was growing up. They only have power to hurt you if you let them have it, and I took that power back a long time ago. I'm free to leave at the end of the service and not come back if I don't want to. So even when a CoC preacher is ranting and raving about something bizarre, I can step back and just let it roll over and off me--and roll my eyes for good measure.
I do go back to the CoC on rare occasions when I visit elderly relatives who are still involved in it (and who don't know that I've left). As for what it's like, I guess it depends on the day. Sometimes it makes me sad, because my relatives are so unsure of their own salvation, because they believe in an unloving, unforgiving god who is just waiting to strike them down. I really wish they could know the joy and comfort of God's grace. Sometimes it makes me angry, especially when the preacher goes on and on about how all those other churches are wrong about, well, everything, and the CoC is the only church that preaches The Truth.TM
Sometimes, though, it just makes me laugh. In fact, the most recent time I went, I had a hard time keeping a straight face. During the adult Bible class, the subject of homosexuality somehow came up; I honestly couldn't tell you how, because I was just staring at the wall behind the teacher's head and daydreaming up to that point. Anyway, the preacher asserted that homosexuality is all part of a government conspiracy, and it's caused by the feminizing hormones that get injected into beef cattle and end up on people's plates, which I guess is his explanation for male homosexuality, but it doesn't really explain lesbianism. Anyway, while all these old folks were nodding their heads in agreement, I was biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. The ignorance and absurdity can be breathtaking sometimes.
These rare visits to the CoC don't bother me nearly as much as they used to when I first left. I've let go of a lot (though probably not all) of the anger and resentment I had at first. Even when a sermon does rile me up, I take comfort in the fact that I'm no longer trapped there, as I was when I was growing up. They only have power to hurt you if you let them have it, and I took that power back a long time ago. I'm free to leave at the end of the service and not come back if I don't want to. So even when a CoC preacher is ranting and raving about something bizarre, I can step back and just let it roll over and off me--and roll my eyes for good measure.
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