Sometimes when I'm trying to explain the church of Christ and its negative effect on my life to my friends who didn't grow up in it, I feel as if I'm no longer speaking English. The words I'm saying simply don't compute with them. For example, they can't even imagine a church that rejects instrumental music, or refuses to celebrate Easter, or doesn't have a food pantry or give money to a homeless shelter. That's what a church IS to them. It's the very definition of a Christian religious body. Sometimes they don't even believe me and think that I'm pulling their leg. And who could blame them? The COC is so bizarre and insular and out of touch with reality that it seems like a bad joke.
This is one of the reasons I'm so grateful for the ex-Church of Christ support board (the link is to the right of this post). There are people on that board who actually speak my language, who grew up in the COC and know what a bizarre little world it is. I've been a member of that board for years, and it saved my sanity. I don't feel so alone in my struggles after escaping from the church. We disagree on many things, but it's comforting and refreshing to know that there are others out there who get where I'm coming from, who can share their own stories (many of which are far worse than mine--at least my parents weren't abusive, even if some of the ministers and elders were) and commiserate with my church-related problems.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
What Was the Point of Pentecost?
Today is Pentecost Sunday--not that you'd know it in a church of Christ. I don't know about the mainline or liberal congregations, but the conservative non-institutional branch of the COC emphatically does not observe the church calendar in any fashion. A Sunday is a Sunday is a Sunday, all the same, forever and ever, world without end, amen.
Thus, it's always fun for me to observe the changes that occur at my new congregation as the liturgical year progresses. In honor of Pentecost, the decorations, candles, and vestments are red, symbolizing the tongues of fire that hovered over the disciples on the very first Pentecost. The readings, songs, and sermon are all about the Spirit and how it inspires us to love our fellow humans and gives us power to do good in the world.
Such talk of the Spirit would be shockingly out of place in the COC where I grew up. I remember that sermons on the Holy Spirit were few and far between, and they tended to be more about what the Spirit does NOT do today, such as impart gifts of healing, prophecy, and speaking in tongues, since the COC teaches that the age of miracles ended when the last of the Apostles died. More than teaching about the Spirit, the sermons were a reaction against the Pentecostal churches and their "emotionalism" and "disorderly" worship services, where people got up and clapped and were "slain in the Spirit." (Funny thing, though--I don't think any of those preachers ever actually went to a Pentecostal church. It was all rumor and hearsay. For all I know, such church services are quiet and sedate.)
Also, the preachers and elders got really nervous if someone brought up the subject of "indwelling of the Spirit" and would quickly squash any talk of feeling "directed by the Spirit" or "moved by the Spirit" as false teaching. No one ever went so far as to say that the Spirit is no longer active today, but they would say that it is active indirectly, through the Bible, that the Spirit doesn't deal with us directly and that all revelation by the Spirit ended with the Apostles. In essence, the Spirit is the "silent partner" of the Trinity (or Godhead, as the COC prefers to say)--it's there but doesn't do much of anything.
But if you read the Bible, that's not what Jesus promised his disciples when he spoke of sending the Advocate. In John 14:15-17 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be in you." Right there, Jesus says that (a) the Spirit will be with us forever, not just until the end of the Apostolic age, and (b) he will abide with you and be "in you", which to me means that this will be a direct relationship, not an indirect one filtered through writings or a book. I'm not claiming to understand exactly what Jesus meant by the Spirit being "in us", but the COC has a hard time explaining it away, which I think is why they try to avoid the subject of the Holy Spirit at all costs.
I've brought this up before, but I really think the COC avoids talking about the Spirit because it collectively fears the Spirit. The Spirit is mysterious and unseen and doesn't seem to have clearly defined "duties" in the Godhead, as the Father and Son do. It can't be put it into a neatly labeled little box. So they don't want to know or think about it because...I don't know...it might cause them to question their church traditions and doctrines, or open their minds to new ideas, or open their hearts to someone who doesn't fit their narrow idea of what a Christian can or should be. And all of this is incredibly sad, because by cutting themselves off from the Spirit, they become a church without spirit, just going through the motions without any joy or love in what they do.
So, to get back to the title of this post: what was the point of Pentecost? In the COC, there really isn't one. It was just one of many miracles designed to bring believers to the faith, nothing special or interesting beyond that. But I disagree. This wasn't just a display of power. The Spirit revealed itself in spectacular fashion, breathing life into the nascent church, and inspiring the disciples to preach the word in spite of persecution and engage in incredibly generous acts of charity. And far from being the "silent partner" the COC envisions, the Spirit is the guiding force in the church today, teaching us compassion and love and opening our eyes to injustices around us. Again, I don't claim to be a theologian or understand how this all works, but I know it does, which is perhaps a little bit of the Spirit dwelling in me.
Thus, it's always fun for me to observe the changes that occur at my new congregation as the liturgical year progresses. In honor of Pentecost, the decorations, candles, and vestments are red, symbolizing the tongues of fire that hovered over the disciples on the very first Pentecost. The readings, songs, and sermon are all about the Spirit and how it inspires us to love our fellow humans and gives us power to do good in the world.
Such talk of the Spirit would be shockingly out of place in the COC where I grew up. I remember that sermons on the Holy Spirit were few and far between, and they tended to be more about what the Spirit does NOT do today, such as impart gifts of healing, prophecy, and speaking in tongues, since the COC teaches that the age of miracles ended when the last of the Apostles died. More than teaching about the Spirit, the sermons were a reaction against the Pentecostal churches and their "emotionalism" and "disorderly" worship services, where people got up and clapped and were "slain in the Spirit." (Funny thing, though--I don't think any of those preachers ever actually went to a Pentecostal church. It was all rumor and hearsay. For all I know, such church services are quiet and sedate.)
Also, the preachers and elders got really nervous if someone brought up the subject of "indwelling of the Spirit" and would quickly squash any talk of feeling "directed by the Spirit" or "moved by the Spirit" as false teaching. No one ever went so far as to say that the Spirit is no longer active today, but they would say that it is active indirectly, through the Bible, that the Spirit doesn't deal with us directly and that all revelation by the Spirit ended with the Apostles. In essence, the Spirit is the "silent partner" of the Trinity (or Godhead, as the COC prefers to say)--it's there but doesn't do much of anything.
But if you read the Bible, that's not what Jesus promised his disciples when he spoke of sending the Advocate. In John 14:15-17 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be in you." Right there, Jesus says that (a) the Spirit will be with us forever, not just until the end of the Apostolic age, and (b) he will abide with you and be "in you", which to me means that this will be a direct relationship, not an indirect one filtered through writings or a book. I'm not claiming to understand exactly what Jesus meant by the Spirit being "in us", but the COC has a hard time explaining it away, which I think is why they try to avoid the subject of the Holy Spirit at all costs.
I've brought this up before, but I really think the COC avoids talking about the Spirit because it collectively fears the Spirit. The Spirit is mysterious and unseen and doesn't seem to have clearly defined "duties" in the Godhead, as the Father and Son do. It can't be put it into a neatly labeled little box. So they don't want to know or think about it because...I don't know...it might cause them to question their church traditions and doctrines, or open their minds to new ideas, or open their hearts to someone who doesn't fit their narrow idea of what a Christian can or should be. And all of this is incredibly sad, because by cutting themselves off from the Spirit, they become a church without spirit, just going through the motions without any joy or love in what they do.
So, to get back to the title of this post: what was the point of Pentecost? In the COC, there really isn't one. It was just one of many miracles designed to bring believers to the faith, nothing special or interesting beyond that. But I disagree. This wasn't just a display of power. The Spirit revealed itself in spectacular fashion, breathing life into the nascent church, and inspiring the disciples to preach the word in spite of persecution and engage in incredibly generous acts of charity. And far from being the "silent partner" the COC envisions, the Spirit is the guiding force in the church today, teaching us compassion and love and opening our eyes to injustices around us. Again, I don't claim to be a theologian or understand how this all works, but I know it does, which is perhaps a little bit of the Spirit dwelling in me.
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy 2011!
Just wanted to wish everyone a healthy and prosperous new year. Hope you had a lovely holiday season, however you chose to celebrate.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Giving Thanks Today
Hope y'all are enjoying the holiday. I'm getting ready to go to a friend's house for dinner, so this post will be brief. What am I most thankful for this year? Well, among (many) other things, I'm thankful I have friends who want to see me and spend time with me because they actually like me, not because we get together and play church 3x weekly. I'm thankful to have a job, especially after being laid off for most of last year. I'm thankful for my family's good health. And I'm especially thankful for the freedom I have in Christ--the freedom from the destructive legalism of the COC. It's been almost a decade since I decided I had to leave, although it took me a few years to actually escape. I'm so much happier and life has been a lot easier since I stopped judging and started loving. The freedom to love others without constraint--that's one of the greatest blessings of all. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Front-Row Seats in the Theater of the Absurd
Once in a blue moon I attend a COC, usually when I visit elderly relatives who are deeply involved in it. Now that I've been away from it for so long and have had a taste of the calm beauty and reverence of a liturgical service, the COC services just seem weirdly absurd to me. It's as if they're playing at church, checking off a list as they make their way through the Five Acts of Worship (sing, pray, give, communion, and sermon) to punch their heavenly time cards. It's rushed, chaotic (I addressed the underlying chaos of the COC in an earlier post), arid, and Spirit-less. And in the end, it's all futile, because they really don't believe that anyone will get into heaven, because getting into heaven requires perfection, which is impossible. So why even bother? Why go through those motions thrice weekly just on a 1-to-million shot that god will be in a good mood when you die and NOT condemn you to the eternal flames? Why not just enjoy your life and be happy? It's all absurd, when you really think about it.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Don't Ask, Don't Tell
The title of this post pretty much sums up my policy with regard to my family and the COC. I've never told them that I left the COC, and they've never asked me about it. I think they just assume that I'm still going, possibly because I've never criticized the church in front of them or expressed my doubts about it.
For a long time I felt weird about this, as if I'm deceiving them. But where is it written that full disclosure is obligatory with your family? If I'm an adult living on my own and paying my own way, then aren't I entitled to a certain amount of privacy? Also, am I not allowed to make my own decisions regarding church and faith without explanation or apology? My conscience is clear in that I know what I believe and why I believe it.
Furthermore, what purpose would it serve to tell my family, especially the elderly ones who are deeply entrenched in the COC? It would just upset them, and it's not as if there's even a remote possibility of having a meaningful, reasonable dialogue on the issue. There would just be anger and recrimination and emotional pleas for me not to endanger my salvation--and theirs, by extension, since they'll believe that they failed in my religious education and will be held accountable. No, my life is stressful enough as it is. I don't need a COC-related family psychodrama on top of everything else.
For a long time I felt weird about this, as if I'm deceiving them. But where is it written that full disclosure is obligatory with your family? If I'm an adult living on my own and paying my own way, then aren't I entitled to a certain amount of privacy? Also, am I not allowed to make my own decisions regarding church and faith without explanation or apology? My conscience is clear in that I know what I believe and why I believe it.
Furthermore, what purpose would it serve to tell my family, especially the elderly ones who are deeply entrenched in the COC? It would just upset them, and it's not as if there's even a remote possibility of having a meaningful, reasonable dialogue on the issue. There would just be anger and recrimination and emotional pleas for me not to endanger my salvation--and theirs, by extension, since they'll believe that they failed in my religious education and will be held accountable. No, my life is stressful enough as it is. I don't need a COC-related family psychodrama on top of everything else.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
...But Do Not Have Love...
I used to do daily Bible reading when I was in the COC, but after I had read the whole book cover-to-cover about a dozen times, I was more than a little burnt out. Now I pretty much limit my Bible reading to the lectionary readings each Sunday. So this year, instead of giving up something for Lent, I decided to add daily Bible reading to my routine for the 40 days leading up to Easter. I found an online lectionary and downloaded daily readings specifically for Lent, and I've really enjoyed it so far.
Yesterday's epistle reading included the first 3 verses of I Corinthians chapter 13:
"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
I had never really contemplated these 3 verses alone; usually, they're read as merely the prelude to the rest of the chapter, which is Paul's famous definition of love--the one they often read at weddings ("Love is patient, love is kind...."). As I read these verses yesterday, it dawned on me that Paul is describing the key problem with the church of Christ--they have no love. That's not to say that there aren't individuals in the church who are loving and kind, but as a group, the church is not founded on love, it is founded on anger, fear, and judgment. If you follow Paul's argument to its logical conclusion, then I think it's safe to say that, without love, the COC is a hollow shell, with the form but not the substance of Christianity, and everything it does is futile.
I remember when I was still involved with the COC that, whenever the topic of love came up in the adult Bible classes, people would get very uncomfortable and they rushed through it as quickly as possible. They much preferred to talk about Paul's "morality lists" in Galatians chapter 5. After all these years, I think I understand why--they're terrified of love because they can't quantify or control it. Love is a force beyond all reckoning, capable of tearing down all the barriers they build between themselves and each other and between the church and the rest of the world, and they need those barriers to prop up their fantasy of being the only true Christians.
Yesterday's epistle reading included the first 3 verses of I Corinthians chapter 13:
"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."
I had never really contemplated these 3 verses alone; usually, they're read as merely the prelude to the rest of the chapter, which is Paul's famous definition of love--the one they often read at weddings ("Love is patient, love is kind...."). As I read these verses yesterday, it dawned on me that Paul is describing the key problem with the church of Christ--they have no love. That's not to say that there aren't individuals in the church who are loving and kind, but as a group, the church is not founded on love, it is founded on anger, fear, and judgment. If you follow Paul's argument to its logical conclusion, then I think it's safe to say that, without love, the COC is a hollow shell, with the form but not the substance of Christianity, and everything it does is futile.
I remember when I was still involved with the COC that, whenever the topic of love came up in the adult Bible classes, people would get very uncomfortable and they rushed through it as quickly as possible. They much preferred to talk about Paul's "morality lists" in Galatians chapter 5. After all these years, I think I understand why--they're terrified of love because they can't quantify or control it. Love is a force beyond all reckoning, capable of tearing down all the barriers they build between themselves and each other and between the church and the rest of the world, and they need those barriers to prop up their fantasy of being the only true Christians.
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