Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

-
Last fall I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. Everything was fine, and my blood test results were excellent--no signs of anemia, diabetes, or thyroid problems, and my cholesterol numbers were perfect. I should have been happy to be in such great health, right? Wrong. Instead, I fell into a deep funk because I was worried that this good fortune would soon be followed by something awful--like, I dunno, inoperable cancer--either as a punishment or test by God.

When I was growing up in the COC, I was taught that true Christians cannot possibly be happy on this earth, because it's not our true home. We won't be happy until we're dead and go to Heaven to be with God. So if things are going well in your life and you are happy, then just be warned that it won't last. If you're living your life right, then God will test you to see if you remain faithful during adversity. If you're doing something wrong, then God is going to punish you--just you wait.

But what if your life is going well and has been for a long time? Then you need to be really worried, because this means that God is no longer testing you. He has given you up to your hardened reprobate ways and no longer cares about your spiritual development. If you're happy for a long time, then you're on the highway to hell, my friend.

This is why I can't fully relax and enjoy my good health and other blessings. Even though I no longer believe any of the above intellectually, those old emotional patterns are deeply ingrained and almost impossible to remove. I'm trying to overcome this; I have some positive sayings that I repeat to myself to try to dispel the anxiety, and sometimes it works. It's an uphill battle, though. I can't stop worrying that the other shoe is not just going to drop but squash me flat.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Discrepancies and Contradictions in the Bible

-
One of the primary doctrines of the church of Christ is that the Bible is perfect, with no contradictions or discrepancies, and that every word of the Bible is literally true and able to be proven scientifically. I believed this when I was young. But when I started reading the Bible for myself, word for word and not just the passages I needed to read to fill out the workbook for my Bible class, I saw that there are indeed discrepancies in the Bible. Here are a few examples. 1. Job 26:7 says that the earth hangs upon nothing. Psalm 104:5 says that the earth sits on a foundation (some translations say "pillar") that can't be moved. If we must view these verses literally, instead of poetically or metaphorically, then one of them must be wrong because their assertions contradict each other. 2. There are a few discrepancies in the accounts of Paul's conversion on the road to Damascus. Acts 9:7 says that Paul's companions could hear the voice that was talking to him bu
Read more

The Church of Christ and Marriage

-
The COC is obsessed with heterosexual marriage. In all my years in the COC, I lost count of all the sermons and classes we had on "the family." Typically, such classes and sermons were just a rehashing and reinforcement of the strict gender roles described by Paul's letters: the husband is the head of the wife, and she's supposed to be obedient to him, and the kids in turn are supposed to obey the parents. If it was a ladies only class, you can bet we studied the "godly woman" described in Proverbs chapter 31 , ad nauseum. The COC's doctrine about the family isn't complicated, but we had to go over it again and again and again. I wondered why at the time, but now I realize that the church and its patriarchal structure were threatened by the rise of feminism in the 1970s. Thus, they felt compelled to harp on this one subject endlessly, to prop up their gender hierarchy. This emphasis on strict gender roles means that the ideal in the COC is that e
Read more

Scientology and the Church of Christ

-
Recently, I read Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood, and the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright. It's a fascinating look at a secretive religion that many people claim is a cult. After reading this well-researched book, I would have to agree. It certain fits the generally agreed-upon definition of a cult . I've said before on this blog that I do NOT think that the COC is a cult , but rather a sect with cult-like tendencies. However, as I was reading this book, I did see some disturbing parallels between Scientology and the COC. First, they both claim to have specialized knowledge of an ultimate truth that no one else in the world understands. Second, they strongly discourage members from associating with people outside the group. The COC is especially adamant that you have to marry within the church, lest your "unbelieving spouse" be a bad influence on you and lead you away from The Truth. Third, it's really hard to get out of both groups without losing your
Read more