It's Hard to Know What to Believe
A fellow ex-COC-er and I have had this same conversation over and over again: we don't know what to believe any more, all we know is that we don't believe in the COC. We don't believe that the COC is the one true church. We don't believe that the COC has all the answers. And most important, we don't believe that the COC has any authority over our lives and has no authority to condemn us for our lack of belief.
The problem is that, after ridding ourselves of the negativity of the COC, it's hard to find something to replace it with. After all those years of fear- and guilt-based indoctrination in a literalist interpretation of the Bible, it's hard to think rationally about doctrine, to decide what you truly can and can't accept, because you're afraid that, if you make the wrong decision, you're condemning yourself.
One big question we both wrestle with is whether there's an afterlife and if so, is there a good place and a bad place and who is going to end up where? The COC worships an angry and vengeful god who is going to condemn pretty much everybody who ever lived to Hell. There is no mercy in the COC. Instead, you have to be perfect at every moment, which of course is impossible. Being in the COC and believing in an unmerciful god makes for a joyless, miserable existence, because it's pretty much granted that you have only the slimmest hopes of salvation. I firmly reject that belief, but what can I believe instead?
The part of me that's grounded in science and reason says that the afterlife is just the way that our species copes with our inevitable doom. We're the only animal on the planet that understands and knows it will die, but we can't accept something as terrifying as personal extinction, so we make up stories of an afterlife to comfort ourselves.
On the other hand, the part of me that appreciates the wonder and mystery of the universe thinks it's possible that there is something beyond what our five senses can perceive, and that we are more than just our physical bodies--that we have a soul or spirit or essence that will live on after the body dies. But where does that disembodied soul reside? In some supernatural realm where we'll be judged for what we've done in our bodies? In the hearts of the people we leave behind, who remember us (we hope) fondly? Or do we cease to be individual souls and instead are reunited with the invisible forces that fill the universe? These are the questions that drive me insane.
Lately, however, I've been trying to put that aside and focus on one thing: love. I believe that love is the force that drives the universe. Even the Bible says that God is love. I believe that love is never wrong. It's never wrong to love someone, and it's never wrong to behave in a loving manner. Those are the only two absolutes I can accept right now. And I hope that no matter what awaits in the afterlife, if anything, that love will also reign there and that my actions, which have been guided by love, will be judged favorably.
The problem is that, after ridding ourselves of the negativity of the COC, it's hard to find something to replace it with. After all those years of fear- and guilt-based indoctrination in a literalist interpretation of the Bible, it's hard to think rationally about doctrine, to decide what you truly can and can't accept, because you're afraid that, if you make the wrong decision, you're condemning yourself.
One big question we both wrestle with is whether there's an afterlife and if so, is there a good place and a bad place and who is going to end up where? The COC worships an angry and vengeful god who is going to condemn pretty much everybody who ever lived to Hell. There is no mercy in the COC. Instead, you have to be perfect at every moment, which of course is impossible. Being in the COC and believing in an unmerciful god makes for a joyless, miserable existence, because it's pretty much granted that you have only the slimmest hopes of salvation. I firmly reject that belief, but what can I believe instead?
The part of me that's grounded in science and reason says that the afterlife is just the way that our species copes with our inevitable doom. We're the only animal on the planet that understands and knows it will die, but we can't accept something as terrifying as personal extinction, so we make up stories of an afterlife to comfort ourselves.
On the other hand, the part of me that appreciates the wonder and mystery of the universe thinks it's possible that there is something beyond what our five senses can perceive, and that we are more than just our physical bodies--that we have a soul or spirit or essence that will live on after the body dies. But where does that disembodied soul reside? In some supernatural realm where we'll be judged for what we've done in our bodies? In the hearts of the people we leave behind, who remember us (we hope) fondly? Or do we cease to be individual souls and instead are reunited with the invisible forces that fill the universe? These are the questions that drive me insane.
Lately, however, I've been trying to put that aside and focus on one thing: love. I believe that love is the force that drives the universe. Even the Bible says that God is love. I believe that love is never wrong. It's never wrong to love someone, and it's never wrong to behave in a loving manner. Those are the only two absolutes I can accept right now. And I hope that no matter what awaits in the afterlife, if anything, that love will also reign there and that my actions, which have been guided by love, will be judged favorably.
Comments
Love the Lord your God with all your
heart.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
The problem that I see is how love it defined. Sometime out of love we have to tell someone that they are wrong. Sometimes out of Love we need to deny a desire that someone believe that they have.
I Corinthians 13 talks about Love. Some of the versions use the word Charity, But try putting your name into the verse every time the work Charity or love comes up.