The Church of Christ and Marriage
The COC is obsessed with heterosexual marriage. In all my years in the COC, I lost count of all the sermons and classes we had on "the family." Typically, such classes and sermons were just a rehashing and reinforcement of the strict gender roles described by Paul's letters: the husband is the head of the wife, and she's supposed to be obedient to him, and the kids in turn are supposed to obey the parents. If it was a ladies only class, you can bet we studied the "godly woman" described in Proverbs chapter 31, ad nauseum.
The COC's doctrine about the family isn't complicated, but we had to go over it again and again and again. I wondered why at the time, but now I realize that the church and its patriarchal structure were threatened by the rise of feminism in the 1970s. Thus, they felt compelled to harp on this one subject endlessly, to prop up their gender hierarchy.
This emphasis on strict gender roles means that the ideal in the COC is that everyone is married. And if you reach the ripe old age of 25 without having marched down the aisle, it's assumed that something is "wrong" with you. If you're a man, people will assume that you're gay but firmly in the closet for fear of being disfellowshipped. If you're a woman, people might assume you're a lesbian, but they're more likely to think that you're just way too picky and should lower your ridiculously high standards for a man.
While I was still in it, the COC's obsession with marriage was irritating to me, because I never married and was ostracized and/or condescendingly pitied for it. Now that I'm out, though, I find it more than a little amusing. I mean, think about it: the founders of Christianity, Jesus and Paul, were both single men. Why was it OK for them to be single, but not me? If being single is an unnatural state (something I heard preached from the pulpit more than once), then I guess Jesus and Paul both were both "unnatural," too.
For women, though, it's a double whammy, and we get the bulk of the snotty remarks and hairy side-eyes. According to the COC, our only Scripture-approved purpose in life is to marry and have babies. If we fail to do that, then we have failed at life itself--we are utterly useless human beings--and are in danger of going to hell. Furthermore, unmarried women are seen as somewhat "dangerous" in the COC because we don't have a man to keep us in line. Also, there's uneasiness about single women and their sexuality that manifests itself as fear that we'll either (a) get pregnant out of wedlock or (b) lead a god-fearing married man astray with our feminine wiles.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting married. If you really love someone and want to spend your lives together, go ahead and god bless. But it's not right for everyone, and some of us just may never meet the right person. And that should be OK, too.
The COC's doctrine about the family isn't complicated, but we had to go over it again and again and again. I wondered why at the time, but now I realize that the church and its patriarchal structure were threatened by the rise of feminism in the 1970s. Thus, they felt compelled to harp on this one subject endlessly, to prop up their gender hierarchy.
This emphasis on strict gender roles means that the ideal in the COC is that everyone is married. And if you reach the ripe old age of 25 without having marched down the aisle, it's assumed that something is "wrong" with you. If you're a man, people will assume that you're gay but firmly in the closet for fear of being disfellowshipped. If you're a woman, people might assume you're a lesbian, but they're more likely to think that you're just way too picky and should lower your ridiculously high standards for a man.
While I was still in it, the COC's obsession with marriage was irritating to me, because I never married and was ostracized and/or condescendingly pitied for it. Now that I'm out, though, I find it more than a little amusing. I mean, think about it: the founders of Christianity, Jesus and Paul, were both single men. Why was it OK for them to be single, but not me? If being single is an unnatural state (something I heard preached from the pulpit more than once), then I guess Jesus and Paul both were both "unnatural," too.
For women, though, it's a double whammy, and we get the bulk of the snotty remarks and hairy side-eyes. According to the COC, our only Scripture-approved purpose in life is to marry and have babies. If we fail to do that, then we have failed at life itself--we are utterly useless human beings--and are in danger of going to hell. Furthermore, unmarried women are seen as somewhat "dangerous" in the COC because we don't have a man to keep us in line. Also, there's uneasiness about single women and their sexuality that manifests itself as fear that we'll either (a) get pregnant out of wedlock or (b) lead a god-fearing married man astray with our feminine wiles.
I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with getting married. If you really love someone and want to spend your lives together, go ahead and god bless. But it's not right for everyone, and some of us just may never meet the right person. And that should be OK, too.
Comments
1) It's a buck against having an organized priesthood - they tend to be fairly anti-Catholic
2) They don't have any real perception of what a "vocation" is and understand that God calls us to live different lives sometimes.
Also, it could be because this makes it easier to control women.
Joseph, I would say the COC is rabidly anti-Catholic and I certainly agree with you that they do not have a perception of "vocation". Single people are definitely viewed with suspicion. Especially women.