You Can Check Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave
One of the central tenets of the CoC tradition is that once you're a member, you're a member for life, which means that even if (or after) you try to leave the church, the leadership still has the right to "discipline" you for your sins and infractions. Even if a person says, "Please take my name off your membership list," the church believes that the person is still a member and that it has the right to instruct that person in moral matters.
However, the church reserves the right to kick you out anytime it likes. What other churches call "excommunication" the CoC calls "disfellowshipping." It's very similar to the shunning practiced by the Amish, although it's not nearly as extreme. You are allowed to talk to someone who has been disfellowshipped, but only for the purposes of trying to persuade that person to come back to the church. You can't have a friendship with that person any more. If a member of your immediate family who lives in your house is disfellowshipped, you obviously are allowed to have contact with that person (although some preachers and elders will tell you that you should kick that person out of the house), but technically you're not supposed to eat meals with him or her (there's a Bible verse they quote for this rule, but I can't remember it off the top of my head).
This doctrine of "once a member, always a member" has gotten the CoC into legal hot water. There was a fairly famous case in Oklahoma in 1989, Guinn v. Church of Christ of Collinsville, in which a former member successfully sued her church for invasion of privacy because, despite the fact that she sent the church a written letter resigning her membership, they still broadcast the details of her alleged sin to the church and caused her a great deal of embarrassment. The Oklahoma State Supreme Court ruled that one of the fundamental parts of freedom of religion is the freedom to not only choose and join a religion but also to leave that religion if you wish. The case was appealed and settled out of court, but this precedent has been cited in other church harassment cases, particularly cases of Mormons who have tried to leave that church and have encountered obstacles.
No one in my childhood church ever got sued, but a couple of guys came close. There was a young man from the community who was converted to the church under false pretenses--specifically, the preacher who converted him knew that the guy was married to a woman who had been previously divorced (which the CoC believe to be a sin) but he didn't tell him that it would be a problem for the church. A few months after he became a member and had begun to make friends in the congregation, they suddenly sprung it on him that he would have to separate from his wife because she was committing adultery by being married to him. As you might imagine, the guy was horrified and refused to acquiesce to the church's demands and instead decided to leave the church. All of us were instructed to pray for him, and two of the men from the church started calling him, writing him letters, and showing up unannounced on his doorstep demanding that he "study" with them. After a few weeks, the target of their efforts got fed up and told them that if they didn't cut off all contact immediately, he'd have them arrested for stalking and harassing him. Of course, those 2 guys didn't believe they were doing anything wrong. They believed they were trying to rescue a soul in error, and there was much praying and hand-wringing over how hardened that sinner's heart had become. I wish the guy had sued them and put them in their place. All of this goes to show how dangerous cult-like sects such as the CoC can be, because they truly believe themselves to be above the law and that anything--lying or misrepresenting church doctrine--is permissible if it's done in order to save a soul.
However, the church reserves the right to kick you out anytime it likes. What other churches call "excommunication" the CoC calls "disfellowshipping." It's very similar to the shunning practiced by the Amish, although it's not nearly as extreme. You are allowed to talk to someone who has been disfellowshipped, but only for the purposes of trying to persuade that person to come back to the church. You can't have a friendship with that person any more. If a member of your immediate family who lives in your house is disfellowshipped, you obviously are allowed to have contact with that person (although some preachers and elders will tell you that you should kick that person out of the house), but technically you're not supposed to eat meals with him or her (there's a Bible verse they quote for this rule, but I can't remember it off the top of my head).
This doctrine of "once a member, always a member" has gotten the CoC into legal hot water. There was a fairly famous case in Oklahoma in 1989, Guinn v. Church of Christ of Collinsville, in which a former member successfully sued her church for invasion of privacy because, despite the fact that she sent the church a written letter resigning her membership, they still broadcast the details of her alleged sin to the church and caused her a great deal of embarrassment. The Oklahoma State Supreme Court ruled that one of the fundamental parts of freedom of religion is the freedom to not only choose and join a religion but also to leave that religion if you wish. The case was appealed and settled out of court, but this precedent has been cited in other church harassment cases, particularly cases of Mormons who have tried to leave that church and have encountered obstacles.
No one in my childhood church ever got sued, but a couple of guys came close. There was a young man from the community who was converted to the church under false pretenses--specifically, the preacher who converted him knew that the guy was married to a woman who had been previously divorced (which the CoC believe to be a sin) but he didn't tell him that it would be a problem for the church. A few months after he became a member and had begun to make friends in the congregation, they suddenly sprung it on him that he would have to separate from his wife because she was committing adultery by being married to him. As you might imagine, the guy was horrified and refused to acquiesce to the church's demands and instead decided to leave the church. All of us were instructed to pray for him, and two of the men from the church started calling him, writing him letters, and showing up unannounced on his doorstep demanding that he "study" with them. After a few weeks, the target of their efforts got fed up and told them that if they didn't cut off all contact immediately, he'd have them arrested for stalking and harassing him. Of course, those 2 guys didn't believe they were doing anything wrong. They believed they were trying to rescue a soul in error, and there was much praying and hand-wringing over how hardened that sinner's heart had become. I wish the guy had sued them and put them in their place. All of this goes to show how dangerous cult-like sects such as the CoC can be, because they truly believe themselves to be above the law and that anything--lying or misrepresenting church doctrine--is permissible if it's done in order to save a soul.
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