All Aboard for the Dysfunction Junction!
The one constant I noticed in all the COC congregations I attended is that most people in that church have serious boundary issues. You are never allowed to have a private life or hold opinions that differ from those of the majority. Before and after every church service, during the "visiting time," you will be subjected to an interrogation far worse than anything the KGB or CIA could cook up. Why weren't you at Bible study last week? You looked bored during the sermon--did you disagree with what the preacher said? I noticed that you failed to stand up during the final prayer--is your back bothering you? If you are cagey or just refuse to answer the questions, you'll be accused of being unloving, unfaithful, insincere, and secretive. And they will start watching you for tell-tale signs of sin so that they can pounce on you and shame you into repenting of...whatever crazy, trivial thing it is they think you've done wrong.
So I always answered their intrusive questions, but in the most generic terms possible. It's safe to say that nobody in all the congregations I attended really ever knew me. Even among the few people whom I considered to be friends, I was never completely honest. I certainly couldn't voice my doubts about the legitimacy of the COC, because you never knew who would rat you out to the elders of the congregation. From what I've read about fascism in Europe and other totalitarian societies and groups, growing up in the COC was a very similar experience. We just never had the threat of physical harm. But psychologically and socially, they could destroy you. I sometimes wonder how many other people there were like me, who were doubting and questioning but who couldn't admit it and instead kept up the facade just to avoid scrutiny and persecution.
Even now, years after leaving the dysfunction junction, I still have that tendency to be secretive and to withhold my true self from other people. And I suppose I'll always have trust issues...which is probably one of the reasons why I don't date much, unfortunately. But at least I'm aware of it and am trying to make progress and put all the insanity behind me. Every now and then I think about the few decent, nonjudgmental people who are still there, and I wonder whether any of them recognize how messed up the COC culture is and, if so, how they cope with it or rationalize it to themselves. I never could. I just had to hop on the first train outta town.
So I always answered their intrusive questions, but in the most generic terms possible. It's safe to say that nobody in all the congregations I attended really ever knew me. Even among the few people whom I considered to be friends, I was never completely honest. I certainly couldn't voice my doubts about the legitimacy of the COC, because you never knew who would rat you out to the elders of the congregation. From what I've read about fascism in Europe and other totalitarian societies and groups, growing up in the COC was a very similar experience. We just never had the threat of physical harm. But psychologically and socially, they could destroy you. I sometimes wonder how many other people there were like me, who were doubting and questioning but who couldn't admit it and instead kept up the facade just to avoid scrutiny and persecution.
Even now, years after leaving the dysfunction junction, I still have that tendency to be secretive and to withhold my true self from other people. And I suppose I'll always have trust issues...which is probably one of the reasons why I don't date much, unfortunately. But at least I'm aware of it and am trying to make progress and put all the insanity behind me. Every now and then I think about the few decent, nonjudgmental people who are still there, and I wonder whether any of them recognize how messed up the COC culture is and, if so, how they cope with it or rationalize it to themselves. I never could. I just had to hop on the first train outta town.
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