You're in the Church of Christ: Authenticity Is Not Allowed

One thing I noticed while growing up in the COC is that the church does not allow people to be themselves, to live an authentic life and express the best of themselves. Instead, everyone must conform to the church's idea of proper behavior, ideas, and emotions or risk being labeled as "wayward" or even sinful. As a result, people in the COC are forced to wear a false front and not express their most authentic selves. You can't express your true feelings or thoughts because they might contradict church doctrine or undermine the authority of the elders and deacons (or "the men of the church" if there are no elders or deacons).

One way that the church suppresses personal authenticity is by strictly enforcing very rigid gender roles. Women with leadership skills are pushed down and relegated to a subordinate role, while men without those skills are forced to play public leadership roles to which they're ill suited. It's just assumed that a man will always be a better leader than a woman, even when the empirical evidence indicates otherwise. Women are expected to marry, have children, and stay at home, even if they would actually be better executives or nurses or airline pilots. Men are expected to marry and support a family, even if they are more nurturing and would be better suited to staying home and caring for the children. In the end, what you want for your life doesn't matter--the COC has already mapped out the trajectory of your life, and you deviate at your peril.

On a more personal level, I learned the hard way very early in my life that I could never be honest about what I read or listened to or watched for fear of causing trouble/being judged/making my parents look bad. And it's not as if I was reading anything Satanic or pornographic. But if there was anything in a book that went beyond the Bible or rote repetition of COC doctrines and traditions, it was looked up on with suspicion that it might "turn me away" from the church. They really had no reason to worry about what novels I read, because it was reading the Bible that ultimately turned me away from the COC. Leaving the COC gave me the freedom to forge an authentic life that expresses my true self. It's a work in progress, but at least I can actually do the work without risking constant judgment, criticism, and condemnation.

Comments

Karl Stern said…
I continue to enjoy your blog and every post has been right on the money.
Thanks, Karl! I appreciate your support and feedback.
Josh said…
I am apparently reading this post very late, but I find it very interesting. I have read several of your posts, beginning with the most recent and ending here finally. Not through yet. I was raised in a COC and am currently raising my children in a COC. I want to know the truth and at least believe that I looking for it honestly. I find myself agreeing with many of the points you make, including some of the ones here on this post, and find them insightful.
I am sure that just because we are better suited for something means we should do it, necessary. I was in the army, and I liked it, parts of it. I had two combat tours in a combat unit and enjoyed that part the most. I felt suited for a combat leader and in many ways would like to be doing that again. It truly felt like a natural fit. But I ma out now because I have two children and wife, all of whom I missed very much while away. I don't feel as valuable at work or as meaningful as when i was in the army, but I'd rather be a husband and father than a soldier. Some people just can't have everything, I guess. I am questioning many things of COC 'creed' now, but whether or not it is right we very well may have to give somethings up for service to God. Do I sound like i'm from a COC? yeah, i guess. But the Bible still speaks about service and sacrifice as it does love.
I wanted to ask you about 1 Cor 14:34 and 1 Tim 2:12. Do you believe now that these passages were altered by man, or are taken out of context in the COC?

thanks, and I'll probably ask more questions as I read the rest of your posts. It is scary. I wish we still had miracles and prophets, I lack faith I guess, but not a desire for truth.
Josh said…
there are typos... ahhh. proof reading. well hopefully they're not too bad, and if clarification is needed... I'll do what I can. sorry.

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