Conditional Parental Love

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In recent, separate discussions with both of my siblings, they have mentioned the fact that it makes them sad that our surviving parent's love for us isn't unconditional, which is the ideal for parental love. As is often the case, unfortunately, the "good parent" (i.e., the one who DID love us unconditionally) died far too young and left us to deal with a parent whose judging of us usually gets in the way of loving us.

Ideally, your parents will love and accept you no matter who you are or what you do. But in our family's case, love and acceptance are predicated on adherence to the COC's rigid rules. If we were to let our true thoughts and beliefs (and the fact that we've all left the church) be known, we would be cast out and disowned. In fact, that has already happened with one of my siblings, so the rest of us hide our true selves. Our parent will never know who we really are, because our true selves would be abhorrent.

I won't blame the entire situation on the COC's doctrines (my parent had a rough childhood and never experienced unconditional love from my grandparents), but those doctrines have definitely exacerbated the problem. It seems to me that any religion that teaches parents to withhold love from their kids is sick and twisted. A healthy religion respects people's individuality and right to make their own choices, but the COC doesn't. It's yet another reason why I left and will never go back. It has irrevocably damaged our family, and I can't forgive or forget that.

Comments

~Joseph the Worker said…
I'm always sorry to hear this. I've had issues with my family as well, but nothing this significant, and a lot of it has been negated because my Father is a non-practicing CoCer.
January 02, 2010
Search4Truth said…
I just stumbled across your blog. It seems that we may have some things in common.. I was also brought up in a fundamental church which stated that they believed and practiced the Holy Scriptures. But they only practiced the portions that supported their beliefs. They did not exhibit the love shown by Christ. As I matured and searched for truth, I began to search the scriptures like the Bereans, to see if those things taught me were true.

I am still on my journey, But I believe that the Holy Scriptures have the answers that we all so desire. I frequently take people to Matthew 7. This passage is to those who claim to be religious. Read it with that in mind, many are turned away because Christ did not know them. This passage says "Few there be that find it". That is why I search for truth.

This passage ends with the wise man being the man who "Knows and does the Word of God." That is where I seek to stand. I have sought through Scripture, and have pursued different denominations, but I am having problems finding any group that knows and does the Word of God. Some groups come close, but few there be that find it. It seems that the people of the group get in the way of the message.

May God bless you in your healing, and I hope to visit again.
January 10, 2010
Little Miss Weirdo said…
Hi, Search4Truth. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
February 06, 2010
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