Why Would Anyone Convert to the Church of Christ?
When I was growing up in the COC, there were very few people who had converted from the outside. Everyone else was born into it like I was. As a kid who was neck-deep in it and perfectly miserable, I used to wonder, "Why would anyone come here if their parents weren't forcing them to?"
Most of them converted because they wanted to marry someone who was a member of the church. The COC teaches explicitly that marrying a non-Christian (which, of course, means anyone who isn't a member of the COC) is a major sin. They refer to it as being "unequally yoked with an unbeliever." So getting your fiance to join the church is a big coup.
The other group of people who converted were those going through some trauma--adultery, divorce, drug or alcohol addition, or a major illness--and they were looking for answers. And if there's anything the COC loves, it's giving answers for everything and telling people how to fix their lives.
I guess this issue is on my mind because the other night I watched Martha Marcy May Marlene, a movie about a young woman who escapes from a cult. The movie is split between the present time, when she is with her sister, and the past, when she was with the cult. No overt explanation is ever given as to why she jointed the cult, but the implication is that she had a damaging childhood and was looking for a family. At first, everyone was all sweetness and light and gentle with her, welcoming her into the "family" and encouraging her as she struggled to "find her role" in the family. Over time, however, their sinister intentions became more clear, and she eventually realized that she couldn't stay (I won't spoil the movie--I highly recommend watching it).
That family talk rang my bells because I used to see people in the COC use that "love-bombing" tactic on the rare newcomer. At first, they were just as nice as could be, offering a sympathetic ear and advice and talking about how we're all just one big happy family. Then once the person was baptized, they would be confronted with a list of all the onerous rules one has to follow in the COC in order to be sinless and perfect. They would also come to realize that the most private details of their lives were subject to intense scrutiny and the preachers and elders and self-appointed moral guardians of the church felt free to criticize their every move and dictate every choice to them.
The people who married into the church generally sucked it up because they loved their spouses. The damaged ones, however, often followed the same trajectory: At first, they're grateful for all the rules, because their lives are out of control and they need external guidance. But once they've gotten themselves back on track and don't need that help any more, they start looking at church doctrine more closely and questioning it, which almost inevitably leads to them being accused of false teaching. If they don't get frustrated and leave first, they eventually get kicked out. I saw this drama play out several times. It was really sad to see people realize that their "big happy church family" was just as dysfunctional as the one in which they grew up.
I have to wonder how the Internet is affecting conversions to the church. Now that anyone with a laptop or smartphone can go online and research the church, people know what they're getting into. There can't be any doctrinal surprises any more, right? I'm not really in contact with anyone in the church nowadays, so I don't have any anecdotal evidence, but I just can't imagine the COC--at least not the hardcore noninstitutional branch in which I grew up--surviving the information age. I think they'll have to change or die. In either case, it's all for the best.
Most of them converted because they wanted to marry someone who was a member of the church. The COC teaches explicitly that marrying a non-Christian (which, of course, means anyone who isn't a member of the COC) is a major sin. They refer to it as being "unequally yoked with an unbeliever." So getting your fiance to join the church is a big coup.
The other group of people who converted were those going through some trauma--adultery, divorce, drug or alcohol addition, or a major illness--and they were looking for answers. And if there's anything the COC loves, it's giving answers for everything and telling people how to fix their lives.
I guess this issue is on my mind because the other night I watched Martha Marcy May Marlene, a movie about a young woman who escapes from a cult. The movie is split between the present time, when she is with her sister, and the past, when she was with the cult. No overt explanation is ever given as to why she jointed the cult, but the implication is that she had a damaging childhood and was looking for a family. At first, everyone was all sweetness and light and gentle with her, welcoming her into the "family" and encouraging her as she struggled to "find her role" in the family. Over time, however, their sinister intentions became more clear, and she eventually realized that she couldn't stay (I won't spoil the movie--I highly recommend watching it).
That family talk rang my bells because I used to see people in the COC use that "love-bombing" tactic on the rare newcomer. At first, they were just as nice as could be, offering a sympathetic ear and advice and talking about how we're all just one big happy family. Then once the person was baptized, they would be confronted with a list of all the onerous rules one has to follow in the COC in order to be sinless and perfect. They would also come to realize that the most private details of their lives were subject to intense scrutiny and the preachers and elders and self-appointed moral guardians of the church felt free to criticize their every move and dictate every choice to them.
The people who married into the church generally sucked it up because they loved their spouses. The damaged ones, however, often followed the same trajectory: At first, they're grateful for all the rules, because their lives are out of control and they need external guidance. But once they've gotten themselves back on track and don't need that help any more, they start looking at church doctrine more closely and questioning it, which almost inevitably leads to them being accused of false teaching. If they don't get frustrated and leave first, they eventually get kicked out. I saw this drama play out several times. It was really sad to see people realize that their "big happy church family" was just as dysfunctional as the one in which they grew up.
I have to wonder how the Internet is affecting conversions to the church. Now that anyone with a laptop or smartphone can go online and research the church, people know what they're getting into. There can't be any doctrinal surprises any more, right? I'm not really in contact with anyone in the church nowadays, so I don't have any anecdotal evidence, but I just can't imagine the COC--at least not the hardcore noninstitutional branch in which I grew up--surviving the information age. I think they'll have to change or die. In either case, it's all for the best.
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